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Kill me

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MY FUCKIN HEART

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IAN MALCOLM IN JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM

same

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Please don’t use those words

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well fuck i actually bought one

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i’m 101% sure that this entire line was improv and tom couldn’t help it

“Yeah, that was basically, we did about six different versions of that story, and that was just us standing around while the cameras were rolling and I would just feed them lines and feed Chris ideas for stories. I’d say, “Do another one, in this one say: ‘I was walking through a field, and I saw a lovey Turkish rug in the middle of the grass, and I love Turkish rugs, so I went to stand on it, and it was Loki, and he turned back into Loki and there was a hole and I fell through the hole was was impaled on a whole lot of spikes.’” So we did versions of that, and the one with the snake just ended up being the one we used.”
—Taika Waititi, Empire Magazine Podcast, 6/11/17, 00:23:25 (x)

AMAZING

I choose to beliee every version of this story is true

and is just a different tale of when Loki turned into something ridiculous

and tried to murder his brother

I don’t know what makes this funnier, the idea that Loki kept trying the same prank, or that Thor kept falling for it.

Thor: OH LOOK A PUPPY

Loki: WAAAAUUUGGGHHHHH

Thor: OH NO IT’S YOU AGAIN!

Lo ok, Thor’s options were to be a lovable doofus who fell for “the same prank” of Loki pretending to be basically anything or Thor becoming hopelessly, uselessly paranoid like you do when you play Prey from start to finish in one sitting.

Thor: *crushes a desk*

Stark: Okay that was a very nice desk so I feel I’m at least owed an explanation. Also, a desk, probably.

Thor: There were two staplers on it.

Stark: …And?

Thor: I thought one of them was Loki.

I AM DYING.

“I thought one of them was Loki.”

SEND HELP!

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Jurassic Run!

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The security guard at a Samsung store is essentially the Guardian of the Galaxies.

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Game of Thrones + the final episode of the season

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Chris Pratt Open Monologue

theotherwesley:

introvertedgeek:

wizardshark:

constant-instigator:

stele3:

dannerzz:

brother-mouse:

dannerzz:

i fucking hate dating nerds one single time i wore a star wars shirt to see a dude and he was like, “wow are u wearing that to impress me” and i said, “star wars episode 4 was seen by approximately 110 million people during its initial theatrical run in 1977”

Congratulations. You’re dating people who for the longest time have been putting up with bullying, mocking, and scorn for most of their lives. That kind of shit stays with people. So imagine their surprise when they see a member of the opposite sex, who I’m assuming is really attractive in comparison to most people, wear attire that reps nerd culture. Which even though is accepted by the masses (if you’re reasonably attractive) is still rare. Now I’m not saying that you’re not allowed to be scornful I’m just saying expect it and don’t be surprised when you hear it. Ok? OK.

why i dont date fucking nerds: exhibit B

Bolded emphasis mine. Gross .

Stands on nearest chair: ATTENTION MALE NERDS. YOU ARE NOT SUFFERING FROM A SHORTAGE OF FEMALE NERDS. THERE ARE VAST NUMBERS OF US, AND WE RARELY HAVE A HARD TIME FINDING EACH OTHER. YOU ARE WITHOUT FEMALE COMPANY BECAUSE YOU ARE WHINEY ASSBABIES WHO THINK YOU OWN THINGS BECAUSE YOU LIKE THEM, AND BECAUSE YOU SOMEHOW THINK YOU SUFFER BULLYING WHEREAS GIRL NERDS SOMEHOW NEVER DO. STOP PRETENDING YOU GET TO BE ASSHOLES BECAUSE YOU HAVE A “TRAGIC PAST” OR YOU WILL DIE ALONE. IF YOU THINK GIRL NERDS DON’T GET BULLIED IT’S LIKELY BECAUSE THOSE GIRLS DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU, BECAUSE OF THIS SORT OF ATTITUDE.

also: fucking no one mocks nerds anymore. Game of thrones is the most watched show on tv, everyone and their mom is playing video games, dungeons and dragons is more popular than it’s ever been.

To conclude

i’m obligated to reblog the Critical Whale